Where?

And so the curtain closes on what I thought was another possible chance of getting somewhere in my personal life. Another tally gets added to the list of times of broken heartedness. Another nail in the coffin, so to speak. I got excited over nothing and I'm mired in this junk. My guts (emotions, junk, what have yous) lay bare on the floor. I hate being an F (if you don't know what this means ask me).

I feel like this is all some cruel joke. I look around and especially look at a relationship that a friend of mine has, and the first thing is that I'm jealous but also scared. Jealous because that is what I desire. A relationship on that level of understanding, trust, companionship. Scared because what if a relationship is not what is for me. Scared of being called to a single life. Scared that I'll remain without that companion.

Why am I jealous? Why am I afraid? Why am I not more heartbroken that I'm not yearning for that same relationship or companionship with my Father. Why am I not longing more for that relationship?

So to answer my question "Where?" I guess I'm starting back at square one and loving and being with Him more.

Yet even now, return to me with nothing less

Than your wounded, broken heart

And cling to Me, your gracious King

Be shattered glass of empty jars and rend

Rend, rend, rend

Rend your hearts.